Life must be pretty damned boring in the Oklahoma town of Moore. Otherwise, why would someone be placing sex toys around the wintry burgh, reportedly using a drone to drop the libidinous aids in elevated spots to increase their visibility?
Whether driven by some inconceivable social or political motive, or the result of crushing ennui, someone has taken to depositing various sex toys hither and yon in Moore, a town of 62,700 souls. The gadgets first started appearing Wednesday, and according to local TV station Fox25, and have been deposited the on the top of businesses, public structures, and traffic signals. Those elevated, visually enhanced positions were accessed, according to witnesses, by a drone.
The Moore waterpower has never looked so fetching.
Given the eyebrows (and any other anatomy) raised by the lascivious sightings, it probably won’t be long before national legislators add them to their other unsubstantiated accusations for blacklisting DJI drones (“Evidence? We don’t need no stinking evidence.”) The mere mention of sex toys, after all, is capable of making even stolid people giddy, and the already deranged utterly demented.
If so, DC pols won’t be the only authorities getting hot and bothered – and in the not-good way – by the unexpected apparitions.
According to reports, Moore police are taking the matter seriously. Even more astonishing still, they appear to ready to prosecute whomever their investigation nabs for the dissemination of this week’s good vibes, and are even airing their concerns to the press.
“The Moore Police Department does not condone the actions of this individual and finds the prank inappropriate,” it said in a statement to Fox 25 TV, which failed to note Dave Barry did not make it up.
Who is so bloody bored they’d start wasting gear Americans now spend $22 billion on annually to tuck away elsewhere than atop the top the stop light at SW 119th St and S Western Ave. (which hasn’t seen this kind of excitement since a wild turkey tied up traffic there several months back)?
Given Moore’s own Twitter account promotion of itself as “located between Oklahoma City and Norman,” maybe the more reasonable question is, “why aren’t more people doing it?”
That seems to be the aroused response – in the good way – of people commenting on the news. Users of Twitter (which, given the topic, we’ll this once refer to as X), have been largely supportive of the unknown protagonist’s initiative to introduce drone delivery to Moore, and hope the distribution of sex toys around town continues.
“They’re not the hero we asked for but the hero we need,” posted @Kendra Culver. “Who do we contact to have these lovely statuettes placed at a specific house?”
@Go Pet a Cat elected to read political dissent into the act – and possibly tell the world more about their moments of rapture than it wanted to know – in responding to the news with, “BECOME UNGOVERNABLE.”
Meanwhile, @Smoldering Dumpster Fire offered the presumed drone pilot behind the belated Christmas offerings to Moore a savvy defense plea should cops press charges: “It’s only a sex toy if it’s used as a sex toy.”
Presumably Moore’s finest won’t patch the hole poked in their case by that observation by fulfilling its condition on the stand. Or anywhere else.
Image: Raychel Sanner/Unsplash
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